Want a Happy Marriage? Try Tips from Animal Trainers

Positive reinforcement and respect help make a happy marriage

You have a basically happy marriage. You love your partner and he (or she) loves you. It's just that sometimes your partner behaves in ways that make you consider (briefly) moving to an exotic location and starting over with someone who doesn't tell the same story over and over, who puts the cap back on the toothpaste, and who doesn't expect you to participate in every bad mood.

But take heart! It's probably easier to create a happy marriage with the partner you already have...and here's a great place to start.

Training Tips for Animals Work on People
While researching a story on exotic animal trainers, writer Amy Sutherland discovered training tips that work with elephants, sea lions, African cranes...and her husband Scott.

Sample from Amy: Advice for a Happy Marriage
When a dolphin does something wrong, the trainer doesn't respond in any way. He stands still for a few beats, careful not to look at the dolphin, and then returns to work. The idea is that any response, positive or negative, fuels a behavior. If a behavior provokes no response, it typically dies away. In the margins of my notes I wrote, "Try on Scott!"

Positive Reinforcement Helps to Make a Happy Marriage
Humor aside (and there's plenty here) Amy describes one of the most effective methods for changing behavior, whether you're dealing with a puppy, a child, or a spouse: positive reinforcement. Learning to work through conflict in a respectful way is one of the keys to a happy marriage.

Amy also learned that positive reinforcement works both ways, and she describes how Scott practices those training tips on her.

With humor and insight, Amy Sutherland offers her own tips for making a happy marriage.

Read: What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage
Note: May require free New York Times registration.