From the article: Grieving and Healing: 5 Steps to Help You Through the Grieving Process
While it's certain that at some point, we all experience grieving a loss in our lives, it's also true that each of us heals from grieving in our own ways. Share how you heal from the grieving process. Your thoughts could help others. Share Your Grieving Tips
Still struggling
- My 48yo husband died 5 years ago. I'm still so sad and shut-off from everyone. I had gotten better, but it's the holidays again, and his birthday is 12/24, our anniversary 12/31, then New Years Day, and, last but the worst of them all, the anniversary of his death 2/19. I don't even know what took him away from me. Our son is now 17, and he comforts me, and says at times he feels like he's fixing to lose me coz I can't seem to get better. Anyways, I will be hanging on, somehow, for that boy of ours. I find myself thinking alot now that he not only lost his dad that day, he lost his mom too, and it's high time he gets her back. Maybe this is the beginning of my acceptance, I don't know. I can say this much, when you lose your spouse and you two have a child, there's a separate mountain of grief to deal with because you are also grieving for your hurt child. That is a very hard part too. Thank you for listening. I don't know anyone my age who is a widow, you guys are it.
- —shou2
glad I am going in the right direction
- I lost a lover 3 weeks ago and really can't talk to anyone about it because I am married and so was he. I go to our meeting spot and cry and talk to him. He died in another state, home with his family like thing should be. I did not know he was so ill, so I am taking this real hard. I know I must move forward and am glad I plan to live to be 100. Reading other people's experences really does help especally when I feel I am going through this by myself. Thanks all of you who can find the strength to share your feelings. Tomorrow I will go to confession and hope that will help.
- —Guest marie
divorce and custody
- I have to go through grieving for my daughter, who has to go back to live with her Dad. He has custody and lives in a different country. I had her for a few months, but now she is going back, so I have to go through this every time she goes back. Every time she comes back, it's like she's a different person. She has to get used to my place all over again. Being here helps me learn how to cope with this, as I have to do this over and over again.
- —Guest Elaine
My dad passed suddenly 2 months ago
- And I'm still learning to cope with the grief of living the rest of my life without him. He was such a huge part of my life and now that he's gone that support is gone and I'm left caring for my mother and two grown sisters a lot of the time. I didn't cry at first. I held it all in to be strong for my family and do what needed to be done. Now it creeps up on me at strange times and I can't help but be angry with him for the situation I'm in now. I miss him so much and accepting that he is gone and not coming back is a hard reality for me. I think that talking out loud to him at night, telling him about my day and how much I missed him, is helping me a lot. I used to call him every night on the phone just to chat. I don't like the idea that I have the rest of my life ahead of me without my father in it. But the grief isn't constant and I have lots of loving memories of a father I adored.
- —Guest Brittany
Grieving is nasty but a must
- I lost a lover of four years. I felt numb and blank. Life lost meaning. She loved me very much; I too loved her. We used to meet, talk often and share nice messages. She was ill but not so serious--or so I thought. When she died I was in a different town. I was devastated beyond explanation, I felt as if I did't do enough to save her life. But someone told me it was God's will no matter what I or anyone did to save her. Now, slowly, it is dawning on me that she is gone forever. Reading through all these has helped me; down deep I feel some pain, although day after day it is lessening.
- —Guest George
writing as therapy
- My loss, 20 years ago, spurred the high activity/many different partners response a few here spoke of. Then I married a man who encouraged me to write. The struggle of putting thoughts on paper, editing, trying to find the truth, the real emotion, has enabled me to become whole. Allowing emotions--even negatives--to surface is critical. Thinking God hates your fears, self-hate, and depression will only make it worse. I believe God works with all emotions, not just good ones.
- —Guest horsehairs
Don't use denial
- Both of my parents died 30 to 40 years ago. As a child, I did a great job of pretending nothing happened. When I lost my German shepherd 3 years ago, it killed me. I can't think about him or the things he use to do without breaking down into tears. My counselor says it's not just my dog, but my parents that I'm grieving. Take it from me. It totally sucks.
- —Guest Ace
keep on truckin'
- The pain happens, reality sets in and there is nothing to do, but accept it and try to live your life. We all die at some point, and we all face grief. Knowing that doesn't lessen the pain, but it also means we must carry on and appreciate the life we have been blessed with and enjoy love from the people who we care for that remain. Hard to do while we are still numb, but having a network of caring people and spending time with them brings a certain sense of comfort. Need to force yourself, and when the numbness wanes, you appreciate how blessed you are with your current circle of friends, although you carry losses and scars of lost loved ones forever.
- —Guest Michelle
brother and friend
- I lost my brother two and a half years ago to cancer. I was sixteen, he was nineteen. A word of advice... don't hold it in. I was too busy holding everyone else up including my parents that I didn't think about myself. Two years down the road and I still cry at night with no big brother to tell me I'm okay. I can't even talk about it. I know it's not healthy but I can't change it now. Recently I lost a good friend of mine.. he was 21, I want to cry and cry and cry but I'm so worried about his best friend who is the man of my life. Being that I never grieved properly I can't help him very much. My advice on this: don't bottle it up... let the anger and the tears crash down because everything will be okay over time. Time heals all wounds.
- —Guest jennifer
depression over loss
- The depression over the loss of my husband of 34 years is still crossing my mind throughout my day. He was my rock, my best friend, my children's dad; not one of us can deal very well. He would have been 62, Oct 22nd, we went to the cemetary and let off balloons and sang Happy Birthday. Things like that help all of us. Love & Light to all having to work through such pain, we never get over it but we can get through it.
- —Guest marianne
This helps
- Thank you for this article. I just lost someone I knew. I'm more of in a shock than anything. I still can't believe their gone but I guess it's reality. Reading this helps. It'll help me cope with the loss.
- —Guest Jessica
My Dad's passing
- My Dad passed away in June. It is devastating and extrememly painful. But, I have hope and courage that I will one day, in the near future, find peace with it. You have to grieve!! Cry, yell, talk out loud, journal, whatever it takes.
- —Guest Linda
Lost my sister
- I lost my sister very fast. A few weeks ago she wanted to talk to me but I said I had no time, so I would call her. I did not, now I hurt inside and I do not tell anyone. I cannot cry, I just hurt so much. My mother is 86 and I know she will be next. She does not even know her baby daugther is dead. I want to just run and not stop. My advice--talk to your family while you can. I hope you all are doing ok. Thank you.
- —Guest Ray gomez
my mother died of cancer
- It has been one year since my Mom died of lung cancer. I filled the year with new boyfriends--each one left me. I tried to replace my love of my Mom with them. It didn't work. I cried each time the boyfriend broke up with me. Now its time to cry for my Mom. I miss her so much. Waves of grief come over me when I am alone. I try to be out and about most of the day which helps. I am doing the things that I have been wanting to do for years. I do believe that I am creating a new life and grieving at the same time. It'll be ok in time, I know.
- —Guest jeanie
Grief takes its own time
- I lost my sister and granddaughter in the same week 10 years ago. My sister was ill, in her 60's, my granddaughter was 14 and died in an accident The next year my mother died, age 90. I became overwhelmed with grief over too many losses in too short a time. My grandchild was the greatest tragedy being a young girl and my daughter was devastated. I went into a deep depression which has never really left me, but it comes and goes. The worst grief was losing my mother. I thought she would be with me forever.It took me 5 years to learn to live with it. Accept it. I do not believe you ever get over deep losses. You just learn to live with them, but your world is never the same. But we eventually go on, even though wounded, and scars cover the pain. I had trouble looking at photos of loved ones, but in the past few years, I see my mothers picture and smile. My grand- daughters is harder to look at. Grief takes as long as it takes. You eventually will learn to live with it and will be OK.
- —Guest Marie
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