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Readers Respond: How Do You Heal from Grieving?

Responses: 44

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one minute at a time

I wrote one minute at a time but know sometimes it is one second at a time. I lost my son, age 18, eleven years ago and then my 25yr old five years ago. How I go on I don't know but at times it is seconds I have to get through, not minutes or days, and I remind myself the pain will lessen and that some other thing will take its place. It has been a hard road but I have to travel on and this I do. I realise life goes on around me and I must make the most of each precious moment. I have to be glad for the life around me I am still part of, be strong, and know each moment is a chance to smile for others and bring a little joy into their lives.
—Guest marina

Father and soon to be my sister

Currently I have taken some time off to spend with my sister who is dying from cancer. I knew if I didn't I would regret that missed opportunity. My father died suddenly when I was 13, and I tried to pretend it didn't happen for a long time. When I am not around my sister it is easy to pretend she too isn't going to die. I orginally was just looking for a way to help a close friend who is grieving over the death of a partner. I guess I hate being sad and depressed, so accepting that is part of the process is especially tough. I guess realizing and understanding what a blessing it was to have them in my life at all. My heart goes out to all of you.
—JennaR52

Only 3 weeks ago...

My beloved Husband of 27 years passed only 3 weeks ago. He battled a 6 yr fight with cancer. I was his caregiver the entire time. I loved caring for this man that was the love of my life. I read about the stages of grief. I don't have any feelings of anger toward him for leaving me. He fought for 5 years more than were told he would live, he made me smile and we enjoyed the time we had together. I managed to drive 6 hours to spend Christmas with my daughter and her family to prove I could do it. I cried all the way there & all the way back. To come home to an empty house that we shared with our 2 cats is very lonely. My cats try to comfort me as they know something is wrong, and they also miss 'daddy'. I am trying to stay busy and focus on taking care of me. I have a strong faith that the Lord will take care of me and knowing my husband is no longer in pain gives me some comfort. I would like to start a small group locally for sharing with those who have lost loved ones.
—Guest Alice

lyn

My darling Lily, a Staffy cross doggy, my constant companion of over 10yrs died recently. She and I loved each other dearly and she supported me emotionally and physically through years of emotional hardship. I let myself sob and cry as a 'dose' of grieving and then slowly stop. I recall joyful memories of her, and journal a lot. Articles on the internet have provided me with lots of support and I have an excellent book on grief. Also, my husband, John, is a strong support. He also grieves for Lily but has his own doggie companion, Meg, so it's not so painful for him.
—Guest lyn

Still struggling

My 48yo husband died 5 years ago. I'm still so sad and shut-off from everyone. I had gotten better, but it's the holidays again, and his birthday is 12/24, our anniversary 12/31, then New Years Day, and, last but the worst of them all, the anniversary of his death 2/19. I don't even know what took him away from me. Our son is now 17, and he comforts me, and says at times he feels like he's fixing to lose me coz I can't seem to get better. Anyways, I will be hanging on, somehow, for that boy of ours. I find myself thinking alot now that he not only lost his dad that day, he lost his mom too, and it's high time he gets her back. Maybe this is the beginning of my acceptance, I don't know. I can say this much, when you lose your spouse and you two have a child, there's a separate mountain of grief to deal with because you are also grieving for your hurt child. That is a very hard part too. Thank you for listening. I don't know anyone my age who is a widow, you guys are it.
—shou2

glad I am going in the right direction

I lost a lover 3 weeks ago and really can't talk to anyone about it because I am married and so was he. I go to our meeting spot and cry and talk to him. He died in another state, home with his family like thing should be. I did not know he was so ill, so I am taking this real hard. I know I must move forward and am glad I plan to live to be 100. Reading other people's experences really does help especally when I feel I am going through this by myself. Thanks all of you who can find the strength to share your feelings. Tomorrow I will go to confession and hope that will help.
—Guest marie

divorce and custody

I have to go through grieving for my daughter, who has to go back to live with her Dad. He has custody and lives in a different country. I had her for a few months, but now she is going back, so I have to go through this every time she goes back. Every time she comes back, it's like she's a different person. She has to get used to my place all over again. Being here helps me learn how to cope with this, as I have to do this over and over again.
—Guest Elaine

My dad passed suddenly 2 months ago

And I'm still learning to cope with the grief of living the rest of my life without him. He was such a huge part of my life and now that he's gone that support is gone and I'm left caring for my mother and two grown sisters a lot of the time. I didn't cry at first. I held it all in to be strong for my family and do what needed to be done. Now it creeps up on me at strange times and I can't help but be angry with him for the situation I'm in now. I miss him so much and accepting that he is gone and not coming back is a hard reality for me. I think that talking out loud to him at night, telling him about my day and how much I missed him, is helping me a lot. I used to call him every night on the phone just to chat. I don't like the idea that I have the rest of my life ahead of me without my father in it. But the grief isn't constant and I have lots of loving memories of a father I adored.
—Guest Brittany

Grieving is nasty but a must

I lost a lover of four years. I felt numb and blank. Life lost meaning. She loved me very much; I too loved her. We used to meet, talk often and share nice messages. She was ill but not so serious--or so I thought. When she died I was in a different town. I was devastated beyond explanation, I felt as if I did't do enough to save her life. But someone told me it was God's will no matter what I or anyone did to save her. Now, slowly, it is dawning on me that she is gone forever. Reading through all these has helped me; down deep I feel some pain, although day after day it is lessening.
—Guest George

writing as therapy

My loss, 20 years ago, spurred the high activity/many different partners response a few here spoke of. Then I married a man who encouraged me to write. The struggle of putting thoughts on paper, editing, trying to find the truth, the real emotion, has enabled me to become whole. Allowing emotions--even negatives--to surface is critical. Thinking God hates your fears, self-hate, and depression will only make it worse. I believe God works with all emotions, not just good ones.
—Guest horsehairs

Don't use denial

Both of my parents died 30 to 40 years ago. As a child, I did a great job of pretending nothing happened. When I lost my German shepherd 3 years ago, it killed me. I can't think about him or the things he use to do without breaking down into tears. My counselor says it's not just my dog, but my parents that I'm grieving. Take it from me. It totally sucks.
—Guest Ace

keep on truckin'

The pain happens, reality sets in and there is nothing to do, but accept it and try to live your life. We all die at some point, and we all face grief. Knowing that doesn't lessen the pain, but it also means we must carry on and appreciate the life we have been blessed with and enjoy love from the people who we care for that remain. Hard to do while we are still numb, but having a network of caring people and spending time with them brings a certain sense of comfort. Need to force yourself, and when the numbness wanes, you appreciate how blessed you are with your current circle of friends, although you carry losses and scars of lost loved ones forever.
—Guest Michelle

brother and friend

I lost my brother two and a half years ago to cancer. I was sixteen, he was nineteen. A word of advice... don't hold it in. I was too busy holding everyone else up including my parents that I didn't think about myself. Two years down the road and I still cry at night with no big brother to tell me I'm okay. I can't even talk about it. I know it's not healthy but I can't change it now. Recently I lost a good friend of mine.. he was 21, I want to cry and cry and cry but I'm so worried about his best friend who is the man of my life. Being that I never grieved properly I can't help him very much. My advice on this: don't bottle it up... let the anger and the tears crash down because everything will be okay over time. Time heals all wounds.
—Guest jennifer

depression over loss

The depression over the loss of my husband of 34 years is still crossing my mind throughout my day. He was my rock, my best friend, my children's dad; not one of us can deal very well. He would have been 62, Oct 22nd, we went to the cemetary and let off balloons and sang Happy Birthday. Things like that help all of us. Love & Light to all having to work through such pain, we never get over it but we can get through it.
—Guest marianne

This helps

Thank you for this article. I just lost someone I knew. I'm more of in a shock than anything. I still can't believe their gone but I guess it's reality. Reading this helps. It'll help me cope with the loss.
—Guest Jessica

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