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Readers Respond: How Do You Heal from Grieving?

Responses: 44

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My Dad's passing

My Dad passed away in June. It is devastating and extrememly painful. But, I have hope and courage that I will one day, in the near future, find peace with it. You have to grieve!! Cry, yell, talk out loud, journal, whatever it takes.
—Guest Linda

Lost my sister

I lost my sister very fast. A few weeks ago she wanted to talk to me but I said I had no time, so I would call her. I did not, now I hurt inside and I do not tell anyone. I cannot cry, I just hurt so much. My mother is 86 and I know she will be next. She does not even know her baby daugther is dead. I want to just run and not stop. My advice--talk to your family while you can. I hope you all are doing ok. Thank you.
—Guest Ray gomez

my mother died of cancer

It has been one year since my Mom died of lung cancer. I filled the year with new boyfriends--each one left me. I tried to replace my love of my Mom with them. It didn't work. I cried each time the boyfriend broke up with me. Now its time to cry for my Mom. I miss her so much. Waves of grief come over me when I am alone. I try to be out and about most of the day which helps. I am doing the things that I have been wanting to do for years. I do believe that I am creating a new life and grieving at the same time. It'll be ok in time, I know.
—Guest jeanie

Grief takes its own time

I lost my sister and granddaughter in the same week 10 years ago. My sister was ill, in her 60's, my granddaughter was 14 and died in an accident The next year my mother died, age 90. I became overwhelmed with grief over too many losses in too short a time. My grandchild was the greatest tragedy being a young girl and my daughter was devastated. I went into a deep depression which has never really left me, but it comes and goes. The worst grief was losing my mother. I thought she would be with me forever.It took me 5 years to learn to live with it. Accept it. I do not believe you ever get over deep losses. You just learn to live with them, but your world is never the same. But we eventually go on, even though wounded, and scars cover the pain. I had trouble looking at photos of loved ones, but in the past few years, I see my mothers picture and smile. My grand- daughters is harder to look at. Grief takes as long as it takes. You eventually will learn to live with it and will be OK.
—Guest Marie

grieving

When I get busy I get better...When I stop being busy it hurts so much....I know I have to feel the feelings, but when I am busy it's not so hard.
—Jeannelala

miss my sis

My little sister died 3 yrs ago Mothers Day. It was devastating for my family. I was very close to her in age and we were best friends. I still cry everyday. So many other really hard things followed her death that it feels like my world is so empty. Soon after her death I lost my job, then made an all out effort in a business but when that didn't work I had to file for bankruptcy, and now I am loosing my home. Watching my parents' pain broke me in two. I feel so lost and alone. I moved away to return to school and try to start over but it is really scary and I feel so alone. I have read your comments and realize that there are a lot of you hurting too. I wish for comfort to all of you too. I guess we just put one foot in front of the other and keep going. Blessings to you.
—Guest Linda P

my heal from grieving

I love my father so much. I said that I won't be an egoist, that my sadness could bother my father's soul from peace in heaven. So...I start to remember just the wonderful moments we've shared together, do everything he loved (do a good things: help people I meet), and give the reward for his peace. I imagine he accepts my gifts in his lovely smile. I said to him,that I'll be OK with his loving power in my heart, I always do the best things for us and I never forget to pray for him.
—Guest viyanaviy

Grieving

My middle-aged daughter committed suicide a little over a year ago, and I died with her, in spirit. On advice of friends I went to a psychiatrist and began medications, and before I knew it I was on 4-5 different meds, some to counteract the side effects of others. It was awful. I found myself getting worse and worse, and the psychiatrist even talked about putting me on disability. I hit bottom when I began planning my own suicide. That's when it dawned on me that my daughter had experienced the same thing, and her response was to die. I decided that I HAD to have a different, more positive response. I came off all the drugs, started eating healthy again, and slowly began to exercise. The fog lifted over a period of 4-6 weeks, but I finally want to live life and enjoy being alive. I think hitting bottom is what brought me back, and realizing that there was nothing I could have done to have changed my daughter's decision. I released the guilt but hold on to the memory of her.
—Guest Jan

it's the same

Grieving over a loss of a loved one is the same feeling when you break up with someone you thought was your forever. I lost a loved one, he didn't die, but he was very much my everything, and now we are no longer together. I feel like I cant go on sometimes...But reading these responses helped a lot and gives me hope that I will be okay.
—Guest Nichole

dealing with grief

For twenty-some odd years I did not grieve. I did not even cry over the death of my wife and baby. I'm crying now and it feels good. I have some friends helping me; that's why one of them recommended I come here. I had to go back to medical records and birth and death certificates--heck, my wife and baby don't even have their own grave marker yet but I will get them one so the cycle will be completed in my mind. Follow through: it seems stupid but it's those little things that kept me from accepting and dealing with my loss.
—Guest steve

new experiences

Go through the motions of creating new patterns and new experiences for yourself. At first it will feel fake and abnormal, but over time you will see a pattern emerge that is your new life. Chose some things that were once important to you or something you never got around to doing although you feel no desire for them now. Later it will help you to feel like you have a new life. You will have a new life. But you will probably be numb for a while. Be kind to yourself. Also heping others can create new bonds and give a lot of satisfaction.
—AlertandOriented

my child

Great article! I lost my only child Jennifer to a violent death. She was only 14 years old, at the time I thought I would die. I tried drugs & alcohol,but the pain only got worse, then I tried therapy. Along with therapy, I changed my diet and included more exercise to get more healthy endorphins going into my brain. Today, I concentrate on the good things my daughter bought into my life & never the negative. I am a speaker against gang violence. In a strange sort of way my daughter's death has bought unspeakable peace into my life. Thank you!!! Marshally4@aol.com
—Guest marshell Roper

Share Your Memories

The notion that time heals all wounds is only partly true. You never really stop grieving after you lose someone you love, but the pain does lessen over time. I've found that the best way to work through grief is to actively remember the people you've lost--thinking about them, talking about them, sharing memories with others who feel the loss of those people. Holding your lost loved ones close can actually help you heal.
—Guest David

grieving idea

About a year after my husband died, I felt strong enough to create a memory box. I bought a beautiful box and added items of his, mine and ours that had special meaning. When I closed the box for the first time, I said goodbye. It was my way of putting my memories in a special place where they would be accessible but would not be the focus of my life. Now when I look through the box I can smile and remember, then get on with the present.
—Guest Marilyn

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